The Dump
Wednesday
February 19, 2014
Issue 78, Volume 3
February 19, 2014
Issue 78, Volume 3
Obama: Foreigner Loving American Traitor
Mike Larence
A recent poll has shown that Americans as a whole feel like their leaders should butt out of the world’s problems. A whopping 100% of Americans said that the government is nosy and acts like a little girl, this country has not agreed on something completely in unison since the Just Some of The Illest Citizens Ever, or J.U.S.T.I.C.E League facebook page was put up. Political and social analyst Fabian McLarsen says “Americans are fed up with playing superman to every little rinky-dink podunk country that comes crying to us for help. Why should we help them? We have are own problems, I mean just last week my smart car’s battery ran down and I still haven’t been able to beat my Angry Birds high score.” McLarsen then broke out into hysterics following his statement. Those aren’t the only problems American citizens are facing, we at The Dump interviewed some common citizens to see what they really had to say: “I mean America is like totally in peril, my friend Kathie said that she can’t go to college because Obama sends all of our scholarship money overseas. It’s like totally ridic!”- Macy, 17 San Fernando, California. We also got a quote from 51 year-old Painter/Activist Dan Lovely: “Hey man we as humans gotta stick together man. If little yberstikan needs some money and soldiers who are we to say no man? It’s the “Man” (Obama) trying to keep those countries down man. We should all just sit down and drink some herbal tea together man. Peace, Love, and Harmony man.” It seems there is a pattern going on here: America blames Obama. They are totally right, it’s all Obama’s fault. Everything was ruined when he was elected, Americans dropped the ball on that one. We know that the only reason Obama keeps sending aid to the Middle East is so he can go drink iced tea and have desert summer parties after we boot him out of the white house. Barack HUSSEIN Obama only cares about foreigners, he is a menace to America. We also reached out to celebrities to see how they felt about our leading spade in office. Becky, 31, says “ I surely didn’t vote for that colored buffoon, I also made sure everybody bucket county didn't vote for him either. What he’s doing to this country is a menace, letting all them lawn-mowers and pool cleaners in here like we just some ‘ol potluck. As far as him sendin’ our hard earned tax money over there to them terros well I just think that’s proof that he’s a traitor who don’t give a rat’s behind about us good Christian Americans.” We also have a quote from a, should we say, less than reputable 25 year-old Alex Conner: “ Well why shouldn't we help out the other countries? I’m not saying we should enable them and go rushing every time they call but regardless of what of Americans may “feel” we still are a superpower and if we have the resources why not help them?” We also asked Mr.Conner if he voted for Obama to which he replied, “Of course! This country needed a change and Obama was the only one who could do that.” As you can see Mr.Conner might not have enough insight on the topic but nevertheless what all of America is agreeing to is that we need to pull out of those Godforsaken countries and make a bigger, better, Obama-free America.